January 2012
1 post
Me: Greta, would some people call you repulsive?
Greta: I hope so!
December 2011
8 posts
“I wouldn’t mind sharing a meal with Leslie Knope, Ron Swanson, and Ben...”
– Greta, completely out of nowhere
“No! Not my cookie pile!”
– Greta when I reached for a cookie
“Ohhh, I hate when eating makes me sweat.”
– Greta
“Brian, some people think you’re hideous!”
– Greta
“I would rather get my legs chopped off than be tickled.”
– Greta
“Is my voice high-pitched??”
– Greta
“Brian! I’m being cute!”
– Greta after I told her to stop pretending to be a sloth
“Shut up, Rudolph! You fuck-nosed reindeer!”
– Greta yelling at a commercial for the old Rudolph movie
November 2011
2 posts
“Should we use all our Christmas money to buy presents for Daisy instead of for...”
– Greta
“Brian, I’m in a little bit of a pickle right now…”
– Greta
October 2011
2 posts
“I would rather have someone murdered in our house and have to watch it than have...”
– Greta
“My time is worth A LOT of money!”
– Greta
September 2011
2 posts
“I have a disability. I start out talking loud, then I’m like, ‘This...”
– Greta
“Where is my god damn phone? Oh, it’s in my hand.”
– Greta
August 2011
4 posts
“I’m a gold mine! You should charge people to read my quotes!”
Me: Why did you come home so early?
Greta: Daisy texted me, she wanted a belly rub!
“I do NOT want to hear about Schrodinger’s Cat! It’s giving me the...”
– Greta
Dad: Everyone's convinced we are all going to be wiped out in Africa.
Greta: No, there'll be at least one survivor!
July 2011
5 posts
“If there’s one thing I like, it’s dogs. Even crappy ones like you.”
– Greta to Daisy
Me: Look at that hipster!
Dad: What's a hipster?
Mom: Like Dany!
“You know what I see a lot at work? Balls.”
– Greta
“Holy smokes! Look at those desserts! I want like eight of them!”
– Greta
“I don’t mind losing a finger in Africa. I have really good dismemberment...”
– Greta
June 2011
1 post
“Are you pleasantly surprised by how nice it is to give Daisy kisses?”
– Greta
May 2011
6 posts
“Daisy, did you miss your mommy and daddy? That’s easy when we’re so...”
– Greta
“Brian, do gorillas eat humans?”
– Greta
“I’m not on your speed dial, but dead people are?!?”
– Greta to her grandma
“Balls to the halls!”
– Greta after spilling food all over herself
“Daisy, your butt hair is one of the seven wonders of the world.”
– Greta
“Oh no! A worm!”
– Greta doesn’t like gardening
April 2011
3 posts
Me: “How are you so drunk?” Greta: “No one asked you, peanut gallery!”
“I think we should be invited to the royal wedding on account of us having the...”
– Greta
“I think revenge is a dish best served on fire.”
– Greta
March 2011
3 posts
“I was eating spicy food when you were still in diapers!”
– Greta
“GEM is my name, no one else is the same, GEM is my name!”
– Greta
“Some people would be thrilled to have a wife like me!”
– Greta
February 2011
1 post
“It’s like Epcot all over again!”
– Greta complaining about the cold
January 2011
3 posts
“Is it wrong to be in love with your dog?”
– Greta
“When a movie ends, it makes me think ‘what’s next?’”
– Greta the Insightful
“All these empty shoeboxes are cramping my style.”
– Greta
December 2010
1 post
“Why don’t salads ever come with a side of fries?”
– Greta
November 2010
2 posts
Greta eats exactly 24 Mini-Wheats per day. No more, no less.
Greta just told me she looked for a bayonet on Craigslist because she’s scared of the deer that roam our back yard.
October 2010
2 posts
“Whenever I eat anything now, this is what goes through my head while I chew:...”
– Greta
Daisy threw up today. Greta’s response when she found out: “She did??? Should I stay home from work tomorrow to take care of her?”
September 2010
3 posts
“We have to play with Daisy. She’s depending on us!”
– Greta
“I get drunk quick, but I can drink a lot after that.”
– Greta
Greta texted me today and said, “I think my bra is in the back seat of your dad’s car.”
August 2010
3 posts
“I don’t like prehistoric terror birds!”
– Greta